It just occurred to me that I’m single. Literally a month after being single it hits me, like a damn brick wall. My mind has feels so drained right now and I’m not sure if it’s because of all the constant anxiety/depression I have or if it’s solely from this break up that I’ve been having a tough time going through, either way I’m going f***ing insane. I mean it hasn’t been all bad. Through this breakup I’ve learned a lot such as, my creativity for blogging and exploring things that I can create within my field such as application which I’m trying to put all of my energy into when I’m not blogging on WordPress at 3 o’clock in the morning. I’ve also sparked an interest in volunteering for Crisis Text Line, in which I’d be helping those who are literally in a crisis thinking about harming themselves or even thinking about taking their own life.
I mean it’s amazing, well not really amazing, but it just bewilders me the amount of people around the world that are similar to me. Those who experience depression and anxiety and have so much and have so many friends and family around them to support them, but yet they still feel alone… To them I pray that they find light when all is dark around them. My name is Tyler Scott and my freshman year of college I felt alone and decided to cut myself. Crazy right? Or maybe it doesn’t surprise you at all. It’s not necessarily something I’m proud of at all. It haunts me some days, but for the most part I’ve accepted that it could happen to someone like me.
I mean it can happen to anyone. That sweet girl who literally has it all – the 4.0, the best looking guy on the football team, and a job offer from a prestigious company soon as she graduates. It could happen to the person who constantly gets made fun of on a daily basis. The thing is with people similar to me who have gone through suicidal thoughts or even self harm is that despite what people say, we aren’t looking for attention. I mean at the end of the day yeah we want someone who can be there for us, but isn’t that us all. Isn’t that what a relationship is at the end of the day? Being there for someone whether they need you there or they say “Just leave me alone?” It just amazes me when people say that cutters or people who are thinking about suicide are attention seekers. That’s the LAST thing WE are.
But yeah like I was saying I’ve gone through a recent break up with literally the girl of my dreams. Haha yeah laugh it up. Yeah I have a sweet side, who doesn’t though. But through this break up I’ve felt more alone then ever. It even brought me back to those same thoughts I had my freshman year which made me one to just cut away. But I’m stronger than that and I made myself a promise I’d never do it again because I knew that I was worth something, that I had purpose, and that I wasn’t truly alone. I’ve been in a shell for what’s literally felt live a century. To have someone you care about so much and for things just to stop working… man I’d give up travelling the world just to have you back, and those who KNOW me know what travelling means to me. But this post isn’t about my breakup.
This post is for those who feel alone, for those who feel like they have absolutely no one, for those who cut or have ever thought about cutting or suicide. YOU ARE STRONGER THAN WHAT YOU THINK. PLEASE HAVE HOPE. Have hope that everything will work out. Because it will. Take my word. A person who has literally watched a close family member die everyday in front of his own very eyes from dementia. I literally had to watch my grandfather die in a hospice facility because he forgot how to eat and drink. Alzheimer’s and dementia is a b****. The first and hardest death I’ve ever had to deal with because we were so close. Take it from someone who had to watch all his close friends graduate and he had to stay and extra year. I felt lost and felt like I had no sense of purpose. Take it from someone who meets the girl they’ve always wished for and you and her travel all around the world and go through so much with her prejudice mother just to make things work only to find out a couple years later that “It’s not working out…” It kills me inside, and I’ve tried to just isolate myself from everything and everyone and those same thoughts that I had years ago about harming or taking my own life popped back up, but something inside of me said, “You have so much left to experience, this isn’t the end, it’s just the beginning.” HAVE HOPE. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. WORK HARD AND YOU WILL PREVAIL. You are young, you may not have all the answers and that’s okay.
For the people who have friends that have gone through or are thinking about self harm or suicide. Be there for them. I’m not saying be a damn babysitter, honestly that’s the last thing we want is someone ALWAYS breathing down are neck watching our every move. Ask how are day is or simply just try to help us get our mind off of things, especially for those that you know that suffer from anxiety and depression. For those who suffer, you know exactly how much of a b**** it is to deal with both of these issues. Not fun. We are not attention seekers. We just want someone who can be there, the signs are there, if you watch closely you’ll see them and if you do try to approach them in a civil way. Let’s STOP bullying people. It’s hard to practice kindness, but in all honestly that’s the one thing we need as people is to be friendly and kind to each other. And just LISTEN. Not all of us want a suggestion or a response, sometimes all we want is for someone to just hear what we are thinking and or are going through. That’s it. This is me, being open and straight to the point as always. Now let’s see who takes this advice and runs with it.
YOU HAVE SELF WORTH.